EMAIL #3 TO MARY

To: Mary
From: S
Date: 01/18/2010 07:21PM
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Tell me many kind words dear.

Dear Mary,

Boy oh boy, are you quick with your replies. It’s as if you have a template that you just ‘cut & paste’. Crazy!

Now I know you’re new to English and you specifically asked me to ‘be patient to read my messages and see many mistakes’ but would it kill you to spell check your emails before you hit ‘send’? Seriously Mary your spelling is sh*thouse – no offense.

So cool about your mom’s ‘canary in yellow’ and the part about you feeding it all the time, but care factor: ZERO. Gimme some juicy gossip Mary. I’m not going to keep sending you emails if you’re just going to reply to me with stupid crap like that. Like I said: give AND take.

Sorry to hear about your living situation. You say that times are hard because you live with your youngest sister in a 2 room apt. Well, I’m no Einstein, Mary, but that means you both have a room each. Cry me river.

Thanks for your photo. You look much more natural in it. It seems you’re really into denim. This is the second photo you’ve seen me of you in denim. We gotta get you so new rags Mary, how about it? Perhaps I can send you money for clothing that does not resemble denim in any way whatsoever? Let’s discuss.

I see you put questions for me in your email. I’ll do my best to answer them honestly.
do you like strong drinks too much? Duh, is the Pope Catholic
can you be very drunk? Totally!
very ofthen? Uh, YA.
can you be rude with women? I try my hardest.

Now answer my questions Mary:
Do you like carrots?
How often do you brush your teeth?
Last furry thing you touched?


Ok, gotta run.

(And I’m not going to tell you again Mary, stop with the ‘kiss you’. NOT COOL.)

Your friend,
s.

REPLY FROM MARY #2

To: S
From: Mary
Date: 01/18/2010 06:56PM
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Tell me many kind words dear.

Hello my dear, thank you for your answer!

At first I think I have to say that I am new in internet and I have only good intentions. you should know that I am not very good writer in english, please be patient to read my messages and see many mistakes.

I answers your questions now. What is bird of prey? I likes to many birds. My mother has canary in yellow. When I was little girl I was feeding it all the times. I put another photos of me with message.

I think I should tell you about me, my interests, tastes and hobbies.

I am 25 years old, my birthday is December, 25, 1983. I so much do not want to get older, when I can see old women I amgetting crazy to think that it is my future . am about 172 cm tall (5.6) and my weight is about 52 kg. I've been told I look well enough,and I think that all women have own beaty.

I have one youngest sisters and it is great problem for us because we have only two rooms flat. I want to live with you. We can have many fun times. What do you say?

I think it is possible that I meat my real love. I want to love and to be loved I want to build our own happiness, only me and my man there. I do not smoke, I tried to smoke when I was younger.

I may have a glass of red dry vine, sometimes it helps to relax. I try to take care of my body and face. I know it is all I have. My soul may have any itnterst for you later, I thinkso.

Please tell me more about you, your tastes, likes and dislikes .also I have a few impotant questions do you like strong drinks too much? can you be very drunk? very ofthen? can you be rude with women? Well, I have to stop or I will write without ending.

Kiss you! see you later.

In my next e-mail I will write you more things about myself and more details about my trip and work.

I will miss you, your Mary

P.S. Send me your pictures, please. To me like to see your photos.

EMAIL #2 TO MARY

To: Mary
From: S
Date: 01/18/2010 05:09PM
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Tell me many kind words dear.


Dear Mary,

Thank you for your anything but tardy reply.

I am very excited to hear that you are 'full of plans and different dreams', but here's the thing, if you and I are are to become true penpals then you must answer my questions. This is a 'give and take' relationship, and right now, I just feel as if you are 'taking'. Perhaps it is a Russian thing, I dunno.

Thank you for your photo though. You say your are 'no Hollywood Princess', but I beg to differ. Clearly, you are too hard on yourself. Are you comparing yourself to the likes of Angelina Jolie? Then you are right, you are no 'Hollywood Princess'. Perhaps you should compare yourself to Renee Zellweger. Or Mickey Rourke. Anyway, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but that photo didn't seem real. I insist you send another. Try not to make the next photo too 'posey-posey'. Know what I mean?

Also, you weren't much help with the crossword. If you didn't know the answer you should have just said so. There was no need to ignore it completely. But we can work on that. We're only just getting to know each other, so i'll let it slip this time.

Do you like falconry? There's nothing more majestic than a bird of prey as far as i'm concerned. What's your favorite bird of prey, Mary? Let's compare.

Ok, that's all for now. Write back soon Mary.
(and don't put 'kiss you' in your next email, it's awkward. I hardly know you. A simple 'from' will do)

s (This my name too!)

REPLY FROM MARY #1

To: S
From: Mary
Date: 01/18/2010 04:33PM
Subject: Re: RE: Tell me many kind words dear.

Hi my new friend
I glad that you have decided to reply, I see it is very short letter.
It is all right because you are astonished to get my letter. I want you to know that I have only good intentions and I have not any secrets.

The thing is that I will work in your country for three months or so andI would like to meet a nice man to fall in love or just be closest friends. I do not want to live in Russia because I have not any chances here, because of crisis I have lost, and I can not find now good work it is hardly possible to explain from first time but I want you to know my plans.

I am full of plans and different dreams and I want to share my life with good man because I'm also full of love and tenderness, I know thatI am not so beautiful like Hollywood Princess but I do hope to meet my Prince and I am sure he will be not be disappoined to meet me in the real life!

I will tell you all details about me and my life if you like my pictures andwant to meet me! please send picture of you too!!!

I write to you with my new mailbox xxxx@yahoo.com, please write letters now only on this mailbox.I will wait your next letter.
Kiss you, Mary (this is my name)!

EMAIL #1 to Mary

From: S
Date: Mon, Jan 18, 2010 at 2:44 AM
Subject: RE: Tell me many kind words dear.
To: xxxx@gmail.com


Dear Mary,
Thank you for your intriguing email entitled: Tell me many kind words dear

Firstly, I like how you call me 'dear'. It makes me feel like Bambi. Like a young doe prancing through a lush green forrest. Have you ever seen that movie? It's pretty good. Better than Snow White if you ask me. Do you have deer in Russian? I hope you do, if not that will be the first thing I show you when you come to America.

So, I have many kind words for you. Did you just want singular kind words? Or kind words that make up a sentence? I guess i'll just do single words for starters:

KIND WORDS (SINGULAR)
Inspiring
lovely
special
beautiful
unassuming

Are those enough kind words? I hope so. I wasn't sure what your idea of 'many' was.

Your dream is to live abroad, huh? That's exciting. It's good to dream. Tell me all your dreams?

In your email you ask: 'Can we get started?'
Of course we can Mary. But get started with what? Today I started the crossword in New York Magazine, perhaps you can help me finish it? If you would prefer to start something together we can, I just thought that since I have already started this, you could just help me finish it:
Clue: Harrier, for one. (6 letters)

Ok, I must go now Mary, but i look forward to you reply. I think this could be the start of something amazing!!!

Yours sincerely
S.

The beginning

Have you ever received an email from someone you don't know? Today I found that email in my SPAM folder of all places?! What the?

It was from a woman in Russia, named Mary. I like to scan my SPAM folder just in case something important makes it in there by mistake. That's how I found this little gem. Tucked away in between offers for up to 80% off Viagra and penis enlargement pills, was an email entitled:

Tell me many kind words dear.

Now, I haven't been called 'dear' since my grandmother passed away in 1991, so naturally I was drawn to this email. I clicked on it and found the following magical message:

From: Mary
Date: Mon, Jan 18, 2010 at 2:44 AM
Subject: Tell me many kind words dear.
To: xxxxx@gmail.com

Hi, I'm from Russia - a dream to live abroad, my name is Mary, can we get started?
"I'm on this dating site - come in to me.

Immediately, I was intrigued. 'Can we get started?' Get started with what? A game of 'Hungry, hungry hippos'? Lunch? Building a utopian society? A family? There were so many things Mary and I could get started with.

But the line that really caught my attention was 'Come in to me'.
Did she mean 'come to me'? I just don't know. But those 4 words told me that Mary needed help.

So there was only one thing I could do. I had to respond to Mary's plea.