EMAIL #3 TO MARY

To: Mary
From: S
Date: 01/18/2010 07:21PM
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Tell me many kind words dear.

Dear Mary,

Boy oh boy, are you quick with your replies. It’s as if you have a template that you just ‘cut & paste’. Crazy!

Now I know you’re new to English and you specifically asked me to ‘be patient to read my messages and see many mistakes’ but would it kill you to spell check your emails before you hit ‘send’? Seriously Mary your spelling is sh*thouse – no offense.

So cool about your mom’s ‘canary in yellow’ and the part about you feeding it all the time, but care factor: ZERO. Gimme some juicy gossip Mary. I’m not going to keep sending you emails if you’re just going to reply to me with stupid crap like that. Like I said: give AND take.

Sorry to hear about your living situation. You say that times are hard because you live with your youngest sister in a 2 room apt. Well, I’m no Einstein, Mary, but that means you both have a room each. Cry me river.

Thanks for your photo. You look much more natural in it. It seems you’re really into denim. This is the second photo you’ve seen me of you in denim. We gotta get you so new rags Mary, how about it? Perhaps I can send you money for clothing that does not resemble denim in any way whatsoever? Let’s discuss.

I see you put questions for me in your email. I’ll do my best to answer them honestly.
do you like strong drinks too much? Duh, is the Pope Catholic
can you be very drunk? Totally!
very ofthen? Uh, YA.
can you be rude with women? I try my hardest.

Now answer my questions Mary:
Do you like carrots?
How often do you brush your teeth?
Last furry thing you touched?


Ok, gotta run.

(And I’m not going to tell you again Mary, stop with the ‘kiss you’. NOT COOL.)

Your friend,
s.